My husband is an alcoholic. He has been drinking since he was 13. He is 29 now. I began to notice the daily drinking about six years ago when I was pregnant with our third child. I noticed about one week into the pregnancy. Looking back on things now I do believe that the daily drinking began just after the birth of our second child two years earlier.

The reason why I never noticed was because I drank with him. That is how we started dating and that is what we did together..drink. Shortly after the birth of our second child times were tough. My husband couldn’t keep a job and we suddenly had two kids under the age of two. I was depressed. I was scared and I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. I was only 20 years old and was way in over my head. My husband was no help and just wanted to fight and drink so I left.

During the separation times were tough. He wouldn’t let me see my kids, he wouldn’t get a job, and he wouldn’t talk to me. All he did was scream and fight. Every time I came around he hit me and accused me of things. I went to the hospital three times that summer. Finally I gave in and let him do what he wanted. I went home in part for my kids and in part because I was afraid. But I believed him when he said things would change.

Now seven years later and one more kid in the mix not much has changed. He began daily drinking and going on 12 hour binges. He learned how to keep a job but only if the job gives him access to alcohol. Living with alcoholism is difficult. It takes every ounce of energy and every bit of patience you have. It is frightening. And when there are children involved it becomes even scarier. This is my story.

And to anyone else out there who is reading this and knows how I feel you are not alone. And to those who have hurt someone you love because of drinking please stop. There are people who can help if you are willing to just try. My life is a daily battle because I don’t know what my husband is going to do next. I don’t know if he is going to be happy or angry. I don’t know if he is lying or being honest and I don’t always know if he is safe.